Thursday, May 30, 2013

Why I Haven't Blogged Much Lately


A typical morning for us, child is age 20 months:  

Fed kid breakfast while making lunches for everyone.  Got kid dressed and headed for the bathroom to take a shower, with kid in tow.  Was intercepted by Husband who wanted me to put lotion on his back because he can’t reach.  While putting lotion on his back I hear the shower start – Uncle in the other bathroom.  So I turn on cartoons for the kid and hang out with him for a few minutes while Husband finishes dressing and Uncle showers.  When he’s done I close all the doors and strip for my shower while the kid pulls things off the counter.  I ignore it and get in the shower.  I soon am joined by Husband’s deodorant canister and a plastic cup.  Whatever.  Husband comes in and takes the kid somewhere else and soon I hear crying because Husband has no clue what our routine is.  I finish my shower and the kid comes bouncing back in and Husband asks if he can leave yet.  I say goodbye and then try to get dressed while the kid clings to my leg.  We brush our teeth.  Well I brush mine while the kid throws things into the sink for me to try not to spit on.  I empty the sink three times.  I brush the kid’s teeth.  I put on makeup with one hand while being pushed away from the mirror by the kid so he can ransack the cabinets beneath.  The kid is chewing on something.  I pull a piece of broken plastic out of his mouth and soon realize that the lid to my deodorant has shattered due to being thrown around the room so many times.  I pry the kid off of my leg so I can spray perfume on myself but not him.  He cries and runs out of the bathroom.  I pick everything off the floor and put it all back where it goes, close the door behind me.  Kid is back from his mysterious errand by now and helps me by emptying my sock drawer onto the floor.  I put on a pair of socks which have a hole in the toe.  I take them off and search out another pair.  Meanwhile kid has escaped bedroom and runs off to bother Uncle who is about to leave and has left every door in the house open, again.  I put on my socks while he announces the kid has pooped.  I put on shoes and find the kid, take him to his changing table and discover he is clean and dry.  I redress him.  Say goodbye to Uncle who skipped off to work without a care in the world.  I shut all of the doors, again, and wander off to find my purse, keys, a sweater for the kid, kid shoes, turn off the unwatched cartoons in my room and shut that door behind me.  Dump all the crap on the coffee table and realize that the dog has to go out at least once that day.  Head for the kitchen, let the dog out, put the kid back in, and start making his juice cups.  Take the plants outside, put the kid back in, pick the empty cups up off of the floor and start to fill them.  Hear the neighbor’s dogs start barking at my dog and look out to realize the dog is caught on the abandoned wheelbarrow out in the yard, and is stomping all over the berry bushes while trying to bark at the neighbor dogs.  Kid loses his shit when I push the cups out of his reach so I can get the dog.  I untangle the dog, prop up the plants and get the dog back in the house, and the kid back in the house and am confronted with spilled milk and juice everywhere.  I lose my shit and start yelling nonsense about the dog ruining everything.  I clean up the mess, lock the back door, refill the cups, put shoes and sweater on the kid and haul us and all of our shit to the car so I can go get gas and take kid to daycare where he clings to me and doesn’t want me to go, ever, and in spite of that and knowing I’m leaving him with five other toddlers who will bother him all day, one of whom is obviously oozing snot and another who looks really out of it, I walk away so I can come here.  Then my husband calls to tell me to have a good day and all I can do is mumble ‘thanks, you too’.

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